Thanks for making a free edition available. This is one of the most valuable yet.
I work with Third Culture Kids--those who grow up outside their parents' passport country/countries. They are small talk adverse. Your ice breakers will be such a hit with the group I'm working with today. Thank you.
I love this. As a minister, I've engaged a room full of people and small groups in meaningful conversation. I agree that people thirst for deeper connection.
Hard relate to Katherine's history of dating incurious people! Which makes me wonder whether you might consider offering a matchmaking service for your paid subscribers? I am only half kidding. (Carolyn, F, 50, Melbourne, Australia.)
A few years ago we got a small game for the family, called vertellis. It's aiming at exactly that. Skip the small talk. It really gets us talking about deeper things every time.
I'm with you, Rob. Ask some stranger to describe to me a time they cried in front of another person? Nope, ain't gonna happen, and if someone asked me that same question I would get away from them as fast as I could.
That sort of question might work well as an experiment at a small conference where people are paired up by design, but in my daily life, not so much.
That being said, I do agree, that the best conversations I have with people who I have just met, are on a deep, personal level, way beyond idle chitchat.
When I speak with someone with kindness, true interest, compassion, empathy and humor and ask questions that arise organically, from our conversation, there is a comfortable and natural flow that that is often precious and deep.
I find other people to be interesting creatures, they often remind me of myself.
I'm an introvert and it's always been hard for me to come up with small talk. After listening to Vanessa Van Edwards speak in a Ted Talk I bought her book Captivate to help me manage small talk into big talk. It's helped a lot and I've also learned how to read people better because of it.
I have a suggestion for a missing word - it's actually a missing gesture. We have so many rude gestures, many of which we use while driving. But we don't have a good gesture to say "I'm Sorry!" If we accidentally cut someone off, we should be able to indicate it wasn't intentional. Right now, mostly we just wave and cringe at the same time, which doesn't always translate at a distance. Just an idea...
This edition brings to mind a term I've leaned on a lot to describe what I yearn for lately - collective effervescnece - a term coined by sociologist Emile Durkheim in the early 20th century. I can satisfy it by a trip to the grocery store and intentionally engaging with the person bagging my groceries or the person deep in contemplation before the shelves of chocolate. https://www.nytimes.com/2021/07/10/opinion/sunday/covid-group-emotions-happiness.html
Let's Talk
Thanks for making a free edition available. This is one of the most valuable yet.
I work with Third Culture Kids--those who grow up outside their parents' passport country/countries. They are small talk adverse. Your ice breakers will be such a hit with the group I'm working with today. Thank you.
I love this. As a minister, I've engaged a room full of people and small groups in meaningful conversation. I agree that people thirst for deeper connection.
Hard relate to Katherine's history of dating incurious people! Which makes me wonder whether you might consider offering a matchmaking service for your paid subscribers? I am only half kidding. (Carolyn, F, 50, Melbourne, Australia.)
A few years ago we got a small game for the family, called vertellis. It's aiming at exactly that. Skip the small talk. It really gets us talking about deeper things every time.
reading this, I was reminded of Larry David's concept of "medium talk" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOVWS7r9ADY
I'm with you, Rob. Ask some stranger to describe to me a time they cried in front of another person? Nope, ain't gonna happen, and if someone asked me that same question I would get away from them as fast as I could.
That sort of question might work well as an experiment at a small conference where people are paired up by design, but in my daily life, not so much.
That being said, I do agree, that the best conversations I have with people who I have just met, are on a deep, personal level, way beyond idle chitchat.
When I speak with someone with kindness, true interest, compassion, empathy and humor and ask questions that arise organically, from our conversation, there is a comfortable and natural flow that that is often precious and deep.
I find other people to be interesting creatures, they often remind me of myself.
I’ve used the “what project are you most excited about “ to good effect.
I'm an introvert and it's always been hard for me to come up with small talk. After listening to Vanessa Van Edwards speak in a Ted Talk I bought her book Captivate to help me manage small talk into big talk. It's helped a lot and I've also learned how to read people better because of it.
I have a suggestion for a missing word - it's actually a missing gesture. We have so many rude gestures, many of which we use while driving. But we don't have a good gesture to say "I'm Sorry!" If we accidentally cut someone off, we should be able to indicate it wasn't intentional. Right now, mostly we just wave and cringe at the same time, which doesn't always translate at a distance. Just an idea...
Thanks for this reminder, Rob, to elevate our humanity on a daily basis with some deeper connection to the reality of being sentient.
I rarely can cry these days and envy those who do.
This edition brings to mind a term I've leaned on a lot to describe what I yearn for lately - collective effervescnece - a term coined by sociologist Emile Durkheim in the early 20th century. I can satisfy it by a trip to the grocery store and intentionally engaging with the person bagging my groceries or the person deep in contemplation before the shelves of chocolate. https://www.nytimes.com/2021/07/10/opinion/sunday/covid-group-emotions-happiness.html