A Few Words ...
TAoN No. 206: ... on behalf of a few words. Plus a new Missing Word, "El arte de ver lo que te rodea," and more
In a recent short essay on small talk, writer Roger Rosenblatt claims that he tries to “let at least five people a day know that I’m thinking of them.” Mostly he does so via email, and some recipients are regulars he reaches out to frequently. The notes are brief, he writes: “Thinking of you. Hope you’re thriving. That sort of thing.”
This sounds almost excessive to me. (And I should disclose that I’m not exactly a fan of Rosenblatt, whose work often strikes me as a little just-so.) But I’m interested in the spirit of it. And it reminded me of a somewhat related practice that I heard about on friend of TAoN Lynn Borton’s wonderful Choose To Be Curious show and podcast. It was in the episode featuring Ashley Kirsner, founder of Skip the Small Talk, which hosts conversation-focused get-togethers.
Kirsner had a lot to say about getting beyond small talk, and having deeper conversations, even with strangers. But her idea that caught my attention and stuck with me was a simple prompt to encourage basic human interaction at a time when feelings of loneliness and isolation are widespread:
Get out at least once a day, and at least exchange a few words with three people or more.
I think about this all the time. I don’t always make the goal, but the prompt has encouraged me to be a bit chattier out in the wild — and to be aware of it when I’m not having enough basic human interaction.
One thing I’ve learned is that just a few words can change the day. And whatever my reservations about Rosenblatt, his essay is useful in making me realize that this can be true with an old friend as well as a random stranger. Either way, the underlying message and spirit is the same: “They do not need to earn your attention. They receive it simply by existing.”
So I’m going to keep following Kirsner’s prompt, and add a Rosenblatt Addendum to reach out to friends more often, remembering that a few words can be much better than none.
Dictionary of Missing Words is an exercise in paying attention to phenomena you encounter — sensations, concepts, states between states, feelings, slippery things — that could be named, but don’t seem to be. More here and here.
This week’s missing word — the first in a while! — is from me:
For most of my adult life, my mom called me on Sunday at 10 a.m. Central. After she died, my dad took that role (though pretty quickly I became the one making the call). After he died, I continued have some sense or pang or low-key tingle at 10 a.m. Sunday, before remembering there would be no call — a feeling something like a phantom limb, perhaps. It’s a sensation that has no name that I’m aware of, though I assume many people have felt something similar. But what is even more profound (and yet unnamed) is the abrupt realization one day that this phantom feeling has passed, and Sunday at 10 a.m. has become just another time of day.
Describe your Missing Words in the comments, or send them to my email below.
SUPPORT TAoN
If you enjoy TAoN, please become a paid supporter. You’ll get access to the full archives as well as supporter-only bonus posts and discussion threads. Your support makes this newsletter possible. Thank you!
IN OTHER NEWS
I could not be more excited to announce that The Art of Noticing book has (finally!) been translated into Spanish! El arte de ver lo que te rodea is available now from Ediciones Menguantes. I love the design and I’m just thrilled to have my first Spanish translation at long last!
Over at Lou Reed’s Nephew, writer and friend of TAoN Jim Hanas reflects on how he got into collage. What do you notice when you turn from words to images?
The Pleasures of Poor Product Design. Hero of Noticing Paul Lukas interviews Katerina Kamprani, who specializes in designing “deliberately inconvenient everyday objects.”
Ray Davies opines on Revolver in 1966.
I generally avoid anything that leans hard on the word “flâneur,” but this Public Domain Review illustrated essay on the urban wandering of Franz Hessel in 1920s Berlin is fascinating.
The art of Liz Nielsen.
“500 cardboard portraits is a series of faces which are cut or torn into corrugated board, but these are pencil drawings — not photos.” Present & Correct
18 doors in Mexico City. Fantastic! Should “doors” be a Savor theme? Present & Correct again
Now this is how to answer an author Q&A. A+ for Wayne Koestenbaum
OKAY THAT’S IT!
As always, I value your feedback (suggestions, critiques, positive reinforcement, constructive insults directed at me, not at anyone else, etc.), as well as your tips or stories or personal noticing rituals, things we need a word for, and of course your icebreakers: consumed@robwalker.net. Or use the comments.
—> Or just click the heart symbol. That always makes my day.
And thanks for reading …
rw
RobWalker.net | NB: I use (some) Amazon Affiliate links
All this by Rob Walker PO Box 171, 748 Mehle St., Arabi LA 70032.
—> Send me mail! I’ll give a three-month free trial to the Supporter version of TAoN to any current free subscriber who snail-mails me a request (include your email address).
To unsubscribe see the bottom of the email, or go here.
I think there’s been a recent movement of “deep talk” or whatever is the opposite of small talk which is considered by many as a waste of time. Just my observation—but during and after the pandemic, I’ve mourned the suicides of nearly half a dozen friends, family members or acquaintances. More than I’ve known over my entire lifetime. So as a person who once merely tolerated small talk, I now see any human connection as possibly life saving.
My friend once worked at a massage school and the owner encouraged staff to leave a pebble in someone’s mailbox if you were thinking of them. She went one step further and left edible chocolate pebble rocks.
¡Ohhhh! El arte de ver lo que te rodea in Spanish. Great news! I´m going to buy it. ¡Estupendas noticias! Congratulations, Rob.