Supporter Spotlight: Kris Farren Moss

No. 4 in an ongoing series! Ritual design, deep listening, and thinking about one's funeral.

Today I’m excited today to share the fourth installment of the new TAoN Supporter Spotlight series. After today, will feature will appear monthly.

Last week I launched Supporter Spotlight with installments on readers Lisa Germany, Chris Cavanaugh, and Erin Bumgarner and their work, practices, projects, and ideas. This is a way for me — and you! — to get to know paid subscribers (supporters) of TAoN, who it turns out are (no surprise!) up to all kinds of cool and thoughtful things. TAoN readers are a multifaceted bunch!

Today, reader Kris Farren Moss on “ritual design” and other subjects. Here goes!

Tell me a little about you.

I’m originally from Massachusetts but have lived in California for over 30 years and currently call San Diego home. I work in investment research and also as an executive coach. I have two teenagers and try to find any excuse to get them to hang out with me. Otherwise, I do a lot of reading, gardening and enjoying the ocean.

I will turn 50 this year and this milestone is exciting — my motto for the year is “old dogs, new tricks.”

From a "red" color walk

Why do you read TAoN, or what do you get out of it? How did it come onto your radar?

It’s not an exaggeration to say that The Art of Noticing book changed my life. I bought it on a whim at my local bookstore because I have always wanted to be more creative, and it is the first book that has delivered on that promise for me. The recommended exercises are so interesting and fun and really help me use my brain a different way. And more importantly, they have helped change my definition of creativity so that it’s finally attainable for someone like me with limited artistic skills.

I love the book so much that naturally I subscribed to the newsletter once I learned of it and it brings me true joy when I see it show up in my inbox.

What’s a project you’re working on now, or completed recently, that you’re pleased with or excited about?

I recently finished writing a book about ritual design and how anyone can use the time-honored approach of ritual to bring more meaning and connection to their life. It can even help you improve habits or reach goals if that’s what you are looking for, but I wrote it as an antidote to a personal and what I believe is a societal obsession with optimization and productivity. I think the world needs a different approach right now.

I was fortunate enough to be able to interview you for my book because I include the “noticing” approach as a potential mindfulness practice. Much as TAoN has helped me think about creativity in a different way, I think “noticing” as a practice is incredibly accessible, effective and even magical. My personal daily ritual practice includes a “noticing” session every afternoon and I recommend the book to anyone and everyone who is looking for a different way to incorporate mindfulness in their lives.

Pick two questions you like from this list of questions suggested by other TAoN supporters — or invent your own!

What are your plans for your body when you’re done using it? Burial? Cremation? Body Farm? Other? And what do you expect to happen to your “soul” or “spirit” after you die?

While my ritual design book is mostly focused on helping people design a daily practice, I also explore approaches for other parts of life, whether it’s an annual celebration or perhaps a rite of passage for which someone may find themselves without a traditional approach. There are library wings full of books on death, but I felt compelled to write a chapter about rituals for death and mourning, because it’s the thing I get asked about the most. Spoiler alert: there is no right approach!

But personally, I do have strong opinions on how I want to leave this world. I was raised Irish Catholic and I will be eternally grateful for not only the imprint of the usefulness of rituals, but also the approach to death. A lot of people find open casket wakes creepy, and I understand why, but I remember seeing my grandmother’s dead body when I was in second grade and feeling oddly comforted by the fact that she clearly was no longer in there. So, I like the idea of an open casket wake', but I’m not sure the people I leave behind will appreciate it as much as I do, so I will ultimately let them decide

I also want a full-fledged funeral, ideally with a mariachi band. I am hoping that my friend Nicole, who is an Episcopal reverend, will be available — she is an amazing person but also the best funeralist I’ve encountered and I’ve been to a lot of funerals as part of a big extended Catholic family (I have 41 first cousins!).

However, I still haven’t figured out what to do with my body. Traditional funeral practices such as embalming and cremation are pretty environmentally unfriendly — I am hoping some form of my body can be used to fertilize a big, lovely tree somewhere.

I do expect my spirit to move onwards and upwards so that I can be reunited with loved ones, but in the spirit of Pascal’s Wager, I live my life to prepare for any post-mortem outcome.

What is high up on your “bucket list?” What do you hope to achieve, attain, or plain enjoy before you die?

I’m generally an upbeat person but I do spend a fair amount of time thinking about dying (see above). Basically, I try to live my life so that people want to show up at my funeral! My father was a vocational education teacher and passed away very suddenly at age 58. They canceled school and sent busloads of kids to the funeral. We had dozens of former students who told stories of how he had changed their lives. It was amazing, comforting and really eye-opening. I honestly hadn’t thought that much about what my dad did every day at work but he was an incredibly kind person so I am not surprised people outside the house loved him so much.

So, I’m hoping to live my life and affect others in such a positive way that hundreds of people show up at my funeral and tell my kids how much I meant to them!

Other than that, there is so much traveling both domestically and internationally that I want to do before I die. I am endlessly curious and there is no better way to learn about people and places than to get out and see them.

Recommend something. Anything!

A Vitamix blender. I have had the same one for 15 years and you can make almost anything in it (e.g. smoothies, soup, hummus). They are expensive, but you can sometimes get refurbished ones on the website.

What do you wish I had asked?

“What is your favorite noticing practice?”

This is a hard one to answer but my current favorite is Listen Deeply. I spend a lot of time in my head and the multi-sensory approach to this practice really helps me to break free of my analytical mind. I also think Pauline Oliveros was amazing — her work is so fascinating and I love learning about people who can see and experience the world from such a different and magical perspective.

But every time I open The Art of Noticing, I discover a new practice to love.

My thanks to Kris, who I am very happy to have as a reader! More on her book Ritual Design at her site, and she has a new newsletter at krisfarrenmoss.substack.com.

All installments of the Supporter Spotlight series are archived here. If you’re a supporter interested in being Spotlighted, write to me at consumed@robwalker.net. Next installment in one month — it’s another great one!

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HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!

• As always, I value your feedback (suggestions, critiques, positive reinforcement, constructive insults, etc.), as well as your tips or stories or personal noticing rituals, things we need a word for, and of course your icebreakers: consumed@robwalker.net. Or use the comments.

And thanks for reading …
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