Giving Attention

TAoN No. 175: A TAoN gift guide — sort of. And more.

By Pixabay via Pexels

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It is, inescapably, gift season. Maybe this calls to mind a Black Friday shopper scrum at your local big-box retailer. Or maybe it makes you think of all those skillfully curated “guides” listing desirable objects. But without being a Grinch, I’d like to offer a more TAoN take on the gift guide: no cool gizmos or trendy products, just inspiring examples of gifts that were meaningful to receive — and to give. (Even if this isn’t gift-giving season for you, I think these ideas are inspiring any time that it’s time to give.)

These ideas come from my favorite source: other TAoN readers. Last year, in a post for supporters (I’ve removed the paywall here), I told the story of one of the better gifts I’ve given (a notebook, for my wife, collecting phrases that have meaning for us, and us alone). And I asked for supporters’ examples of favorite gifts given or received.

Here are some of my favorite responses, lightly edited.

From Grant:

My wife somehow got most of my friends and family to record a short video message saying a memory about me they loved or something else fun, and she edited it all together into a one-hour supercut of love. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to top that.

From Fiona:

When I was 16 and moved from Scotland to Canada with my family, my group of friends collaborated on a going-away scrapbook for me. Each person took a page and wrote a bit about why they liked me and what they’d miss, as well as inside jokes and teenagery banter. They doodled, glued photos and bits of ephemera, like concert tickets. It was such a lifeline at the time because I really didn’t want to leave.

This book, scrappy though it was, served as a tangible reminder that I could make good friends and would again, which was so important at a time when I felt very awkward and isolated. And now it’s less of a lifeline, but still a cherished keepsake. What makes gifts like this so special is that they are super personal and thoughtful, one-of-a-kind really.

(Fiona modestly downplayed this, but that gift inspired and shaped her project/business, Fondfolio.)

From Fritzi:

My husband excels at gift giving. One year he got me an iPod and loaded all my favorite music. Another time he bought me a digital photo frame and loaded all my special photos. I took it in to work and was the envy of all my cube mates.

But the best gift was when I came home from a trip and he had set up and stocked an aquarium for me. I cried. Fish tanks have a special meaning for me as my father kept betas (beautiful Siamese fighting fish) when I was little. I love to watch fish.

From Alleen:

My husband is super tall, and the first house we had together was built for smaller folk. He had to duck whenever he came down the stairs, or he’d bang his head — which he tended to do if he was distracted.

So for Christmas one year, I went around our neighborhood and took photos of the letters D (from Homestead Gourmet Shop), U (Rubie’s Costumes), C (Gray’s Bicycle Shop) and K (Kew Gardens Cinema) — all businesses we patronized. I matted and framed each photo individually, and then wrapped them separately, without indicating which order he should open them. ... We hung the letters at the dangerous place on the stairwell, and he never banged his head again.

We’ve since moved from that house, and our current home doesn’t have any tricky spots. But we hung the letters on the wall as a nice reminder of that first house and our lovely Queens neighborhood.

From Josh:

A friend and I once discovered that as children in the '70s we'd both owned the Comanche Pass play set (from Marx Toys), which involved a band of Comanche warriors dropping a plastic boulder onto a settlers' wagon train. (Fun!) He once said to me, jokingly but wistfully — and he's not a particularly wistful person — that "I'd like to hold that boulder in my hand once more before I die."

So every now and then, for the next several years, I'd do an eBay search for that damn boulder. It was an elusive quest… but at last, the very boulder appeared and I snapped it up. I then hired a maker (via Etsy) who customizes velvet bags (mostly for bottles of cognac, I imagine) to create a small bag embroidered with the word BOULDER; I put the boulder in the bag before giving it to my friend. Totally ridiculous, but I wanted to show this person — in a light-hearted way — how important he is to me! He's one of my favorite people, and the world's best creative collaborator too. I hope he got the message….

(For a clue as to the lucky recipient of this thoughtful gift, see here.)

Obviously, this is more of a collection of personal stories than a practical gift guide: These gifts only made sense to those who gave and received them. And that’s the point! These are stories about people paying attention to each other — and that, always, is the very best gift.

If you have examples of your own, I’d love to hear them.

• (Previously: Making an inventory of gifts you’ve received, and gifts as acts of care. And more Mindful Materialism.)

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GIVE THE GIFT OF TAoN!

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THE NEXT FREE EDITION IN TWO WEEKS

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ONE MORE THING!

Last year, friend of TAoN Ingrid Fetell Lee posted this handy set of prompts for thinking about gifts. It works year-round.

ingridfetell

A post shared by @ingridfetell

(New Icebreaker next time!)

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IN OTHER NEWS

Via The Best Advice Show

• It was an honor to be on The Best Advice Show, talking about being more ridiculous. (Squirrel!) More on this excellent podcast series here.

• Very much enjoyed talking to Jeff Wood of The Overhead Wire and Talking Headway/Streetsblog podcast about my book for The Lincoln Institute of Land Policy, City Tech. Listen here. More on the book here.

• TAoN readers have been sharing pictures and stories of their favorite curious objects here. Chime in!

• I’m @notrobwalker on Bluesky. Here’s a post I saw there from Aaron Cohen‬ asking for short poems — and getting some great responses.

• NFL players who journal. Great piece.

• IMG_0001 is a site that plays random, neglected home-movie videos from YouTube — “like a glimpse into different worlds.” The back story.

• Fascinating piece about an avant-garde writer who reviewed thousands of products on Amazon; there’s a collection out that I’ve ordered (from Bookshop.org).

• I enjoyed photographer John McCusker’s pictures of attic windows in New Orleans. Great subject — I love checking out attic windows on walks and rides. More on his Instagram.

• “Tom Rosenthal wanders London's parks with a simple mission: find someone sitting alone on a bench and ask if they'll chat for his podcast, Strangers on a Bench." Via Recomendo.

• Interesting gift-adjacent news from Rubi: “Allow me to introduce your very own Microdosing Joy ADVENT(ure) Calendar™. … . This is a secular, non-religious, non-boring adventurous exploration of hidden little joys; a quick ponderable, like an amuse bouche, but for your brain, so more like an amuse tête.”

• Whamageddon is in effect.

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OKAY THAT’S IT!

• As always, I value your feedback: suggestions, critiques, positive reinforcement, etc. Constructive insults may be directed at me, not at anyone else. I also welcome your tips or stories or personal noticing rituals, things we need a word for, and of course your icebreakers, at consumed@robwalker.net. Or use the comments.

• —> Tell someone about TAoN! Or just click the heart symbol. That always makes my day.

And thanks for reading …
rw

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All this by Rob Walker PO Box 171, 748 Mehle St., Arabi LA 70032. Send me mail!

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